एक दूजे के लिये : धर्माच्या पलतडचो मोग

 Ek Duje Ke Liye: A Family Bound by Love Beyond Religion

John Aguiar

Some families inherit wealth, some inherit land, and some inherit traditions. Our family inherited something far more precious — the courage to love beyond boundaries.

Romance perhaps runs in our blood.

My paternal grandfather, Joao Carlos Aguiar, was known in Tisca, Ponda, not merely as a handsome man, but as a true romantic at heart. He took immense pride in his moustache and beard, carrying them with elegance and confidence. In those days, such features were often seen as marks of masculinity and charm.

It was in Borim that destiny quietly unfolded for him.

One afternoon, he saw a young girl named Angelica Fernandes leisurely swinging outside her house. Her beauty captivated him instantly. Gathering courage, he proposed to her. But Angelica promptly refused. The reason was simple — she disliked his beard and moustache.

Most men would have walked away wounded. But my grandfather was not one to surrender easily. With characteristic confidence, he challenged her saying that one day she would indeed marry him.

How exactly he won her heart remains a mystery lost in time. Perhaps it was persistence, perhaps sincerity, or perhaps destiny itself had already decided. Eventually, they married, and people still remember them as one of the most romantic couples in Tisca, Ponda.

My grandmother Angelica was known for her striking golden-brown hair that shimmered beautifully in the sunlight. Together they became a symbol of companionship, affection and devotion. Their love was not loud, but deep and enduring.

The same spirit of love flowed into the next generation.

My father too chose love over social barriers. He fell in love with my mother, a Gaud Saraswat Brahmin girl whom he met in Kapileshwari. She belonged to the Rau Valaulikar clan, and during those days, inter-religious marriages — especially between a Christian man and a GSB Hindu woman — were extremely rare and socially difficult.

Yet they chose each other.

Their marriage stood as a quiet example of mutual respect and understanding. Religion never entered their relationship as a dividing force. My mother never converted to Christianity, nor was she compelled to. She chose to remain a Hindu throughout her life and eventually passed away as one. But faith never weakened the bond between them. Love remained greater than labels.

Perhaps unconsciously, I too followed the same path.

I fell in love with Savita Manerkar from Mala, Panaji, while working as a staff reporter with the Herald. Our friendship gradually blossomed into love, and eventually marriage. Like the women before her in our family story, my wife too retained her Hindu faith after marriage.

Our children were also raised without compulsion or pressure to convert. Though they carry the surname Aguiar, they continue to remain Hindu. For us, identity was never about forcing faith upon another person. It was about coexistence, dignity and acceptance.

Sadly, many self-proclaimed liberals fail to understand such relationships. Ironically, those who preach tolerance often struggle to accept families like ours that naturally embody it. Love, when genuine, does not demand surrender of identity. It creates space for two identities to coexist peacefully.

The story did not end with my generation.

My son Navdeep too married his college sweetheart, Sitam, now lovingly known as Navya Aguiar. Once again, love crossed social lines effortlessly, continuing a legacy that perhaps began many decades ago with a bearded romantic standing before a girl on a swing in Borim.

Looking back, I realise ours is not merely a family history. It is a journey of love triumphing over social divisions. Across generations, relationships in our family were built not on conversion, coercion or conformity, but on affection, respect and freedom.

And perhaps that is the purest form of love of all.

Ek Duje Ke Liye was not just a film title for us. It became a way of life.

एक दूजे के लिये : धर्माच्या पलतडचो मोग

जॉन आगियार

कित्येक कुटुंबांक वारशान संपत्ती मेळटा, कित्येकांक जमीन-जुमलो, तर कित्येकांक परंपरा. पूण आमच्या कुटुंबाक वारशान मेळ्ळेली सगळ्यांत मोलाची गजाल म्हणजे — सिमांच्या पलतडीं वचून मोग करपाची हिंमत.

कदाचित मोग आमच्या रगतांतच आसा.

म्हजे आजोबा, जूआंव कार्लोस आगियार, तिस्का-फोंड्या भागांत फकत देखणो मनीस म्हणूनच ना, तर मनान एकदम रोमँटिक मनीस म्हण ओळखताले. तांकां आपल्यो मिश्यो आनी खाडाचो खूब अभिमान आसलो. त्या काळांत खाड-मिश्यो हो दादल्यांचो पुरुषी रुबाब आनी आकर्षणाचें प्रतीक मानताले.

तांच्या जिण्यांत मोगाची चाहूल लागली ती बोरी हांगा.

एका दनपरां ताणें एंजेलिका फर्नांडिस नावाच्या एका तरणाटी चलीयेक तिच्या घरासांमुख झोपाळ्यार निवांत घोलतना पळयली. तिचें सौंदर्य पळयताच तो तिच्या मोगांत पडलो. धाडस करून ताणें तिचेकडे लग्नाची मागणी घातली. पूण एंजेलिकेन तका नकार दिलो. कारण सोपें आसलें — तिका ताचे खाड आनी मिश्यो आवडल्या नाशिल्यो.

चडशे दादले त्या नकारा उपरांत फाटीं सरतले आसले. पूण म्हजोळ आजो सहज हार मानपी नाशिल्ले. ताणें आत्मविश्वासान तिका सांगलें — “एक दिस तूं म्हज्याकडेच लग्न करतलें.”

ताणें तिचें मन कशें जिंकलें, हें आयज कोणाकूच नीट खबर ना. घडये ती ताची चिकाटी आसतली, घडये प्रामाणिकपण, वा घडये नियतीचो खेळ आसतलो. शेवटाक तांचें लग्न जालें आनी आयज लेगीत तिस्का-फोंड्यां भागांत तांची गणना एकदम रोमँटिक जोडप्यांत जाता.

म्हजी आजी एंजेलिका तिच्या भागराळ्या-तपकिरी केसां खातीर खूब परिचित आसली. सुर्याच्या उजवाडांत तिचे केस चकचकताले. दोघांचो एकमेकांचेर अपाट मोग आसलो. तांचो मोग दाखोवपाचो नाशिल्लो, पूण खूब खोल, शांत आनी जीवितभर टिकपी आसलो.

मोगाची हीच परंपरा फुडल्या पिढीततूय चलत रावली.

म्हज्या बापायनय समाजाच्या वण्ठींपरस मोगाक जास्त महत्व दिलें. कपिलेश्वरी हांगा तांची वळख एका गौड सारस्वत ब्राम्हण चलयेकडे जाली — ती म्हणजे म्हजी आवय. ती राव वाळावलिकार कुळांतली आसली. त्या काळांत एका ख्रिश्चांव दादल्यान आनी जीएसबी हिंदू चलयेन केल्लें आंतरधर्मीय लग्न ही एकदम दुर्मीळ आनी समाजाक कठीण मानपी गजाल आसली.

पूण तांनी एकमेकांची निवड केली.

तांचो संसार परस्पर सन्मान आनी समजुतीचें सुंदर उदाहरण आसलें. धर्म कन्नांच तांच्या नात्यांत वणत जावन उबो रावलो ना. म्हज्या आवयेन  ख्रिस्तांव धर्म स्वीकारलो ना, आनी तशें करपाचो आग्रोय तिचेर केलो गेलो ना. ती आयुष्यभर हिंदूच रावली आनी हिंदू म्हणनूच ह्या जगांतल्यान गेली. पूण ताका लागून तांच्या नात्यांत केन्नाच पैसावो आयलो ना. तांच्या मोगाफूडें धर्माचीं लेबलां ल्हान पडलीं.

घडये नकळत हांवूय त्याच वाटेन वचत रावलो.

‘हेरॉल्ड’ वर्तमानपत्रांत स्टाफ रिपोर्टर म्हणून काम करता आसतना, म्हजी वळख मळा-पणजीच्या सविता माणेरकर हाचेकडे जाली. ओळख मैत्रींंत बदल्ली, मैत्री मोगांत फुल्ली आनी शेवटाक आमीं लग्नबंधनांत अडलीं.

म्हज्या कुटुंबांतल्या आदल्या बायलांप्रमाणेंच म्हज्या बायलेनूय लग्ना उपरांत आपलो हिंदू धर्म कायम दवरलो. आमच्या भुर्ग्यांवरूय धर्मांतराचो कसलोंच दबाव आयलो ना. तांच्या नावामागीर ‘आगियार’ हें आडनांव आसलें, तरी ती हिंदूच रावलीं.

आमच्या खातीर ओळख म्हणजे दुसऱ्याचेर आपलो धर्म लादप नाशिल्लें. ती आसली सहअस्तित्व, सन्मान आनी स्वीकार.

दुर्दैवाची गजाल म्हणजे आयज कितलेच स्वताक उदारमतवादी म्हणपी लोक अशा नात्यांक समजून घेवपाक कमी पडटात. सहिष्णुतेच्या गजाली करपी लोकूय केन्ना केन्ना आमच्या सारख्या कुटुंबांक स्वीकारपाक तयार नसतात. खरो मोग केन्नाच कोणाची ओळख मिटोवपाची मागणी करना. उलट दोन वेगळ्या ओळखी शांतपणान एकठांय रावूंक शकतात, हाचो आदर करता.

ही कथा फकत म्हज्या पिढीपावेतच थांबली ना.

म्हजो पूत नवदीप हाणेंय आपल्या कॉलेजांतल्या प्रेयसी सितम हिच्याखडें लग्न केलें. आयज ती नव्या आगियार म्हण ओळखली वता. परत एकदां मोगान समाजाच्या सीमारेषा सहज ओलांडल्यात. आनी बोरयेच्या झोपाळ्या मुखार उब्या आशिल्ल्या एका दाडीवाल्या रोमँटिक तरनाट्यापासून सुरू जाल्ली परंपरा फुडें चालू रावली.

आयज फाटीं वळून पळयतना म्हाका जाणवतां की, ही फकत आमच्या कुटुंबाची कथा ना. ही मोगान समाजाच्या वण्टीचेर मेळयल्ल्या जैताची कथा.

पिढ्यानपिढ्या आमच्या कुटुंबांतलीं नातीं धर्मांतर, दबाव वा एकरूपतेचेर उबी नासता. ती उबी आसात मोग, परस्पर सन्मान आनी स्वातंत्र्याचेर.

आनी घडये होच मोगाचो सगळ्यांत शुद्ध अर्थ आसत.

“एक दूजे के लिये,  हें आमच्या खातीर फकत चित्रपटाचें नाव नाशिल्लें — ती आमची जगपाची पद्धत जाली